What would Chuck Norris Do?

Several months ago, a fight broke out. Well, it was more of an academic discussion concerning the greatness or absence thereof and the abilities, be they limited or limitless, of 1980s karate great Chuck Norris. It was highly scientific in nature with observations such as, “Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kicks have such speed that they traveled back in time and killed historical figures whose deaths had been, until now, unsolved.”

Making the jump from the big mat to the big screen is tough for anyone, beard or no beard. But Chuck did it with such grace and fury that he is a truly modern marvel of machismo. A whole generation of children took three or maybe four weeks of karate, all thanks to Chuck.

But Chuck is no match for Patrick Swayze, especially his character Dalton from the 80s blockbuster Roadhouse: a tour d’ testosterone of hard drinking, boot skootin’, karate, Sam Elliot and wearing suede renaissance boots with acid washed jeans.

In the movie, the bar called the Double Deuce is where most of the characters work and is center stage for the movie. The place is a peanuts-on-the-floor kind of dump with a nightly performance from a chicken wire shielded blues band. When the vivacious crowd gets a little out of hand, the bar tenders, waitresses, bouncers and the cooler, which was Dalton, all work together to keep things running smoothly. In a place like the Double Deuce, people are going to get out of control. It is in the proper management of the situation that the beauty lies.

The Bogey Man may check his closest for Chuck Norris before he goes to sleep, but when it comes to retail marketing, Dalton’s got a knock out punch (or roundhouse kick) that Chuck simply cannot stop. Not so long into the flick, Dalton tells the staff how it’s going to be.

“If I guy looks for trouble, tell him to stop. If he won’t stop, tell him to walk. If he won’t walk, walk him”. If you can’t walk him, get another guy and the two of you walk him together. And I want you to be nice until it’s time to not be nice.”

“When do we know that?” Asked a bartender

“You won’t. I’ll tell you.” snapped Dalton.

Let’s see the Texas Ranger make a verbal joust like that.

Despite his nearly perfect mullet, Dalton knows something you and I should probably take to heart besides karate. For starters, Dalton appreciates the nature of the room and the systematic interaction of the people in it. Second, he respects roles and the insight or expertise associated with those roles. Third, he has crystallized the path of customer interaction for his staff. Hang on. This will start to make sense in a hurry.

In retail marketing, we often fail to have a plan or defined roles, and it’s the lack of such that’s making us lose the fight. While the concept of a multi-faceted marketing approach has been discussed in this forum before, I’m going to narrow it to discuss its implications in retail sales. And, as always, I’ll start with a story.

In my work with Wolf Camera and Video, we positioned ourselves as the experts in photography. We carried expert equipment, if only to impress those with less expensive leanings. We used employee pricing on equipment to attract staff who moonlight as pro photographers and their extensive knowledge showed the serious consumer that we truly had expertise. We packaged up the image and sold it to the customer under the mantra, “Our expertise is free”. We controlled the image of customer experience with our metaphorical Waitresses, Bartenders, Bouncers and Coolers, and this is how it worked:

The Waitress
The waitress (or waiter) has a relatively low-knowledge job. She takes the order from a customer who knows what they want and, if asked, might make a suggestion or two. Don’t expect the waitress break up a fight.

In retail sales, our waitress was the counter clerk. He or she could make film recommendations and ring up sales but beyond that there wasn’t much more they were charged to do.

The Bartender
The bartender has a little more knowledge than the waitress and, owing to the expense and effort needed to get a good bartender, has probably been along a while longer. If you get in the skirmish, the bartender might hit you on the head with a bottle of Schnapps if you’re close to the bar, but don’t expect the crane technique from the bartender, it’s not his job.

In retail, our bartenders are often seasoned waitresses. They spent enough time around the place to know their way around and just the witnessing of the bouncers and coolers has shown them a few moves that they can readily employ. And like the Bartender, their experience and personality make them a great marketing tool, as people come in to see their favorite bartender.

The Bouncer
The bouncer gets things done. He is constantly watching the room for issues and opportunities. The bouncer can resolve almost any issue and works with other bouncers to keep the bar profitable with the least amount of head aches and homicides.

In retail, our bouncers were managers. They had the clout and stripes to get things done and they had the experience to close a sale that otherwise looked unwieldy to the bartender or waitress. When a serious customer came through the door, we typically routed them to the bouncer.

The Cooler
Dalton was the cooler, which means he solved the unsolvable, often with some kind of hybrid Kung-Fu. Not many businesses have the knowledge or wherewithal to have a cooler. But we did.

At Wolf, we had a cooler. He was a crispy, old school photographer who could fix any camera and knew pretty much everything about photography there was to know. If the customer was unwieldy and no one else could handle the request, we called in the cooler.


Here’s the kick in the head.

This seems simple, right? Sure, have people with differing skill levels and selling prowess manage a retail sales effort. Simple or not, it almost never happens. Rather than training or acquiring staff with high level skills, many of today’s retail environments seem content with social promotion where they simply promote the longest running bartender to a bouncer. Additionally, many retail environments fail to design the sales experience in a way that routes customers who have particular needs to the adequate resources. The end result is a total loss of efficiency in selling ability and the frustration of customers who cannot get the service they want.

I have long advocated for connected retail selling efforts to broader marketing themes, however the most strategic marketing will fail if the retail delivery is neither intrinsic nor tactical. Designing and monitoring the retail experience is as important as any other part of a marketing effort.

The idea of separation of roles and routing has numerous other applications in the contemporary marketing department. It means separating efforts, responsibility and authority concerning the different facets of an effort and allowing the individual tasks to complement each other. It means applying the appropriate resources to the right areas instead of bogging down your Cooler by making him serve drinks all night and having your waitress “walk” four guys with razor tipped boots. It means, more than anything, having a plan that everyone is in on.

You may disagree and say Chuck is tougher. Leaner and meaner. Well when it comes to dividing up the team and getting the job done right each time, I’ll quote Jeff Healey for my choice and say:

“The name is Dalton.”


Snowden Tatarski is a brand consultancy based in Athens, Georgia that focuses on the development and implementation of the whole brand experience. The agency offers marketing research, marketing strategies, advertising creative development, media strategy and planning, sales consultation and the production of advertising, sales collateral, broadcast and interactive systems and materials. Information online at www.sn-ta.com



Post Script:

For your entertainment, I have listed some of my favorite Chuck Norris feats below as well as a link to a place with more feats and the chance to have them printed on a shirt.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was chilly, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.