Fries with that.

When I was fifteen, I got a demeaning job at a greasy, disgusting fast food restaurant. I grilled burgers, sliced lettuce and cleaned dead rats out of the grease trap. It was such a joy to have my first work experience molded by the meth addicts and ex-cons who used the esteemed power they had as shift managers to harass and terrorize the staff. Oh, the wonder years.

It was a hotter and greasier day than normal, and I was working the grill when the cheerleading squad came in for burgers. They were dressed in short shorts and tank tops. I stood there, with my grill mate who could barely speak English at my side, both of us covered in so much grease that at the at the end of the shift we would have to peel off our uniforms. I locked eyes with one of the cheerleaders.
That was the end of my fast food experience.

I immediately enrolled in lifeguard classes. Despite the fact that I couldn’t really swim, a year on the wrestling team and a persistent mom got me through the classes and I became a certified lifeguard. I took my classes in Virginia Beach, Virginia, which meant the training was geared toward guarding the beach. The classes were like boot camp and I spent most evenings after class puking up the pool water that I had swallowed when the instructor put forth his best effort to drown me.

True to my purpose in becoming a lifeguard, my first post was at the local pool propagated by the local cheerleaders who, save for the occasional chicken fight, spent their time laying about the pool deck. Was this really a job? I’m watching girls in bikinis have a slap and tickle fight with each other and someone is going to pay me?

Honestly, I felt guilty when I got my first paycheck. At the burger joint, I got covered in more filth and garbage than an ATO pledge for a measly five bucks an hour. Now I was getting six an hour to watch the local cuties spritz themselves. It’s hard to feel like you’re really working when you’re a lifeguard.

I have met at least a few marketers who are like lifeguards. Somewhere deep inside, they feel guilty about asking for money. They duck behind image campaigns or price-offs, anything just to avoid asking for the sale.

I’m a little old (and less shapely) to be a lifeguard anymore, but I still wince when I ask for money. After all, I love marketing and it doesn’t feel like work to me, so why should you pay me? Well, first off, I’m married to a social worker, which means my wife gets paid two banana peels, fourteen food stamps, a few dry beans and a half-eaten bag of frosted donuts each month. Since the mortgage company takes none of these things as payment, I have to charge people for our services.

My mentor who is a lively, spirited (and though not tall, larger than life) man gives me great advice much like a kung fu master or perhaps a Jedi. He recently asked me, “Young grasshopper, are you getting paid for each hour of work you complete for clients?”

“No master,” I responded.

“You work for a fool and must stop.” He shot back.

But I work for myself and the firm.” I responded

“Exactly.”He replied

Note: It is important that you know my mentor is a sweet and honorable man and would never call me a fool unless I really deserved it (which I’m pretty sure I’ve yet to do). Paraphrasing and modification of his comments was needed to maintain Kung Fu imagery.

It’s foolish to not ask for the sale. It’s foolish to advertise without wanting an action. Maybe the action is to change an opinion or consider a service, but whatever you do, have a desired purpose when you have an audience. The master has shown me the way (or, the force if you prefer) of asking for the sale, whatever the sale may be. His nearly magical three step process is reprinted here so that you need not shave your head, sojourn and seek his tutelage.


1) Master says to grasshopper, get beyond the guilt of selling or I’ll smack you.

There is no crime in getting paid what you’re worth. Be it a brand, item or service, value should be compensated. It is easy to start chiseling at the bottom line with justifications like “our margins can allow us to reduce price.” But the truth is, if you cannot respect your offering enough to stand by the price, what do you expect purchasers to do? People pay what they think things are worth.

When you give a fair offering at a fair price, there should be no second guessing. One way to NOT accomplish this is to simply charge what you think the consumer will pay. Instead, simply charge what the consumer should pay (relative to R and D costs, manufacturing, marketing, profit, etc) and stand by it. It is amazing the change in attitude when the seller knows the price and proposition are rooted in logic and fair play.

One of the core tenets in the development of the concept of branding was that the consumers desire to support the brand would negate the need for continual sales and price wars. Some brands are sticking to this notion but others have allowed their brand to become know as “those guys who have a sale every week”.

2) Master says to grasshopper, respect the seller/ consumer relationship and the mutual expectation/ responsibility.

It is too often and too bad when the balance between a consumer and a marketer is disrupted. Often companies view consumers like cattle who stampede in when the right product is thrown in the pen and then crap all over the place. It is not so uncommon that marketer has a less than flattering view of consumers. Consumers sometimes don’t hold up their end of the deal either. Ever get behind one of those people who always complain at the burger joint just to get free junk?

What exists between buyers and sellers is a relationship based on quality, expectation, brand identity, affinity, value, and shared importance. Trying to tip the scales to the favor of one of these at the expense of the other never works out.

3) Master says to grasshopper, the worst they can say is “no” (or perhaps “hell no”).

You really don’t know until you ask. When you run a commercial that doesn’t seem to want the sell, you’re better off not advertising. Maybe it’s the plain fear of the word “no” that has led companies to skirt the question. Think about it: if you never ask for the business, you can never get shot down. Sounds like high school.

The savvy marketer should be ready to hear no and follow it up with a why. “No”’ indicates failures of the brand to connect. “No” indicates a pocket of influence that is not swayed. “No” teaches us not only that the ship is listing but where the leak is.

Marketers need to stop being afraid of their own shadows and instead begin to stick it out there and ask for the sale. That next inquirer may be a future fan or user for life, but you’ll never know if you’re not actively trying to spur action. Perhaps one day people will just know everything they want and need and we advertisers won’t need to educate customers and ask for their business. Until then, we need to ask.


Snowden Tatarski is a brand consultancy based in Athens, Ga that focuses on the development and implementation of the whole brand experience. The agency offers marketing research, marketing strategies, advertising creative development, media strategy and planning, sales consultation and the production of advertising, sales collateral, broadcast and interactive systems and materials. Information online at www.sn-ta.com